We
cannot guarantee a safe space – St.
Luke's, Boone, NC
I
got back from the annual clergy conference yesterday afternoon. For
a lot of different reasons it was an intense, draining, and
refreshing few days. It was also a good time to catch up with and
deepen new friendships I'm beginning to develop here in Maryland.
The
main reason for the intensity and draining nature of the conference
was that we addressed difficult topics. One of those centered around
the church's own #MeToo stories – which I'll get to shortly.
When
we began, we were given a list entitled, “Practices for Talking
About Things That Matter.” It was developed by our facilitator who
is the Rector of St. Luke's in Boone, NC. And it was the last item
on that list that got my attention: We cannot guarantee a safe
space.
I
have often said that St. John's should be a safe space for people.
This should not be a space where people feel threatened, objectified,
or abused. I still believe that. But this last item on the list
pointed out that we are all still human. Given enough time, we can
and will say or do hurtful things.
We
cannot guarantee this will never happen; therefore, we cannot
guarantee that this will always be a safe space. But what we can do
is to recognize our imperfect nature and have the courage to say when
we've been hurt, as well as have the courage to admit we have done
the hurting, to apologize, forgive, and move forward. Otherwise we
are just waiting and/or looking for an excuse to end relationships.
It
was this topic of saying hurtful things that moved us into our
version of #MeToo. The men spent time listening to our sisters in
ministry tell stories, sometimes very hurtful stories, of times they
have been threatened, objectified, and abused. Stories that happened
in the church and some in this diocese.
We
also took a few minutes and watched this video:
The
most disturbing thing I heard after watching it was when a female
colleague said, “And those aren't even the worst things I've
heard.”
So
. . . I'm in the midst of having my perspective change. As much as I
want St. John's to be a safe space, I cannot guarantee that it will
always be so; because people will say and do things that are hurtful
at one time or another. But what I can do is help cultivate a space
where we live fully into our baptismal covenant.
This
means we speak up when we have been hurt. It means we acknowledge we
have sinned. It means we ask for and offer forgiveness. It means we
respect the dignity of every human being who enters our doors.
We
may not always be safe; but we can always continue to work at
building a community of love.
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